Ayo, its almost that time again niggas, the summer is among us…and I feel its my duty to make sure you niggas don’t go out and look like complete slouches throughout the duration of these crucial 4 months…If you follow these simple rules, you’re sure to stay out of the topic of niggas conversations after you leave the room…With that being said, lets get into it:
Rule 1: All Baby Powder Everything
Ayo, this is crucial my niggas…When you walk into the after party full of flawless women who left the house with all intentions of giving up the box, this is the worst thing you can have happen:
You a big nigga…the world expects more of you fam…you gotta attack all area’s of possible struggle before they creep up and seal your fate. Before you leave the house, make sure you fortify ya chest, back, and balls fam. These three area’s can make or break you long before you say ya first words.
Rule 2: Keep a Cloth
Pay attention fam, a lot of my fellow big boys know this rule very well but often make a crucial mistake that leaves them full of remorse by the end of the day. NO WHITE TOWELS niggas! I cant stress this enough…nothings worse than seeing a big nigga slithering around the cookout wiping his face with a dirty white towel. Everybody sees you and you'll be immediately eliminated from any invitations to the nights festivities. So make haste over to ya local Walmart and pick up a pack of these babies and remove any traces of perspiration with seamless execution…
Yes niggas…This is not a debate. No other deodorant on the face of this earth is more sufficient in keeping big nigga’s in the game. Degree is hand-crafted from the soap of angel’s themselves. The only question is to what kind of degree you decide to remove from the shelf. On those afternoons where the temperature is relaxin in those mid-90’s or higher…‘SPORT’ is the only scent that’s gonna lead you to the land of milk & honey. Now maybe when you get home and you wash of the stench of a 10-hr shift, I recommend you make a couple passes across those pits with the ‘COOL RUSH’….Once ya lady friend gets a whiff of that mountain breeze emanating from your chest-plate, she’ll be ready to politely present you the box in the finest of ‘Victoria’s Secret’ wrappings…
Rule 4: Stay Hydrated
Not staying hydrated can complicate the first three rules to critical levels of struggle. Real talk, it was al fun and games until the fire department has to come get the big nigga outta the elevator after having a heat stroke. No matter how fresh you stay, its go take at least 3 summers for ya co-workers to forget seeing you being carried outta the food-court at the mall on a hospital gurney. Stay hydrated fam…
Rule 5: Keep a fresh Cut!
Ayo, in those winter months it was nothing for you to just prop a fresh fitted cap on ya cranium and suppress the struggle that was hidden underneath…but in the heat of the summer that’s only gonna bring out crushing levels of criticism once the ladies get a look at the utter torment and punishment you’ve sweated into the brim of ya favorite Yankee cap…cant afford to keep heading back to the shop? Cop you a fresh set of these puppies.
After a few practices runs on ya nephews, by mid-summer you can achieve the greatness only reached by the most respected Shaolin masters.
Alright my chunky brothers, these just the basic rules one must follow in order to enjoy all the blessings God has intended for you this summer…falling short of even ONE of these can have drastic repercussions. Leaving your social life in complete shambles. You’ll look up and your favorite social networking site will be peppered with pictures of you sweating profusely and your comments & mentions in total disarray…so be Safe and be sure...Im out…
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